A little less individuality, a little more common good please.

I recently read a New York Times article titled “Does Anyone Know How to Behave on the Subway Anymore?”. It was posted to Instagram. One of the comments read “The American culture of ‘freedom’ and ‘individuality’ has turned our society into one of selfishness and the inability to work towards a common good”. It’s stuck with me ever since. 

In a couple of day’s time, we’ll be sat around a table with our American friends giving thanks. I love Thanksgiving for a number of reasons: being British, it’s not a holiday I grew up celebrating (so there’s novelty in that); I love its separation from any religion giving it a universal cause; it signifies the start of the holiday season (and I’m a big fan!); but above all else, it proposes a very simple self examination - what ARE we thankful for? 

The British are obsessed with saying ‘thank you’ (and ‘please’). In fact, researchers have found that Brits say 'thank you' more than any other nation (whether we always mean it or not might be another matter!). My little experience over my seven years celebrating the holiday is that the approach to Thanksgiving is more Thanks-Saying. I am thankful for X,Y,Z. Call me cynical but this is where I think we cop out. Why? Individuality.

We live in a world of ‘me’. A world of selfies. A world of Instagram. A world of people with their heads in their phone they neglect to look up and actually see. When did it become acceptable to play music on a subway without your headphones? A world where the ‘culture of me’ has also led people to only doing good for others so they can be recognised for it - to highlight on their Instagram account. When did we forget to be a collective? A team? 

But what if we turned it around: GIVING-Thanks. My husband asked me what this meant. The act, the art, the gesture of physically ‘giving’; a moment whereby you might receive a thank you in return. In the words of the New York Times Instagram poster - a little more common good. 

So, around my Giving-Thanks table this year (and guests, you’ve been warned), the question won’t be ‘what are you thankful for?’, but rather, ‘how will you be giving thanks?’. 

Let me start - and starting small is just fine. I will be giving thanks by offering up my subway seat to someone less able than me. I will be giving thanks by simply acknowledging the homeless person rather than pretending they don’t exist. I will be giving thanks by acknowledging that any professional success is a collective team effort. 

I’d be honoured if maybe you’d consider and adopt this around your table this year. In the words of Elvis Presley “a little less conversation, a little more action, please”. Or in this case, a little less individuality, a little more common good please.