In out, in out, tell them what you’re all about.

I thought I’d take this year’s Instagram ‘In / Out’ resolution trend over here to Substack: 1.) Because I probably need to give up the ‘gram a little more, 2.) because I want to keep some more personal, private bits away from the grid and stories and 3.) because I felt it was more apt to give some meaning and context to a few of the points.

As I started jotting down my ins and outs, I came across this quote which resonated, hard.

“Every year you make a resolution to change yourself. This year, make a resolution to be yourself.”

So I’m trying to do just that. And, much to my relief, when I reviewed the points I had already committed to paper, I was pleased, proud in fact, that so many of them weren’t about changing who I am, but rather confirmed the bits I enjoy, the bits I want to do more of, the bits that make me, me!

IN

1.) Keeping up with Substack. I’ve taken a few weeks festive sabbatical - not totally planned (my husband veto’d my final Substack of the year) - but I’m back and I’d really like to give this thing a good go. Writing fills me with a little butterfly burst - and it certainly makes it worthwhile as I see more people start subscribing, so thank you. Early days still.

2.) Buying from friends’ brands. This Christmas, my most cherished and beautiful gifts were those from friends’ brands. Not only does quality tend to be better but every time I use or wear them, I think of them. So, I’m vouching to continue mindfully shopping and supporting friends. The big names don’t need my money anyway - and I don’t need to give it to them.

My favourites:

Asceno | By Pariah | Desmond & Dempsey 

PORTA | B SIDES Jeans | MAISON d’ETTO

Lucy Williams for Missoma |  The Edition 94 | L’Appartement 4F

3.) Using the 😍 and 🔥 buttons more on Instagram - and all the other feel good emojis 🤩❤️😘👌🏼💥💫 in between. Yes, emojis are still in. It takes less than a second to hit that button to kindly respond to someone’s story / post, but that little moment keeps you connected, allows someone to know you’re thinking of them and is an indication that them and their lives are interesting to you. Otherwise, why bother following them in the first place? I’m not suggesting Instagram breeds validation but when it’s so easy to leave a quick sign of love, why wouldn’t you?

4.) Re-wearing outfits. Coming out the other side of party season, and bearing in mind much of that season for me was spent dressing out of a suitcase, I’m a newly reborn lover of recycling outfits. Remember when we were younger and we bought a pair of (likely Miss Sixty) jeans we loved (actually, I’ve never loved jeans or jean shopping thanks to leg confidence issues but…); we never took them off. Goodbye compulsive shopping.

Things I’m loving right now: 

Asceno silk suit | COS dress (actually COS anything. IYKYK.) | TOAST jumper

Emilia Wickstead jumpsuit | Manolo Blahnik shoes | Penelope Chilvers snow boots

5. ) Picking up the phone. For many reasons, I’m fairly useless at this: a.) timezones b.) time itself c.) is a little bit of me nervous? I find voicenotes most helpful for navigating all the above but actually, isn’t it nice to have quick, real-time conversations with friends - different friends - every week? One different friend every week over the course of 2024, and suddenly I’ve got 52 more people on speed dial. Some sort of anxiety is already telling me I’m not going to sustain this one, but I’ll start with the easier calls to make (my mum doesn’t count).

6.) Looking after my skin. 2023 saw me invest in some fairly punchy skincare regimens - Fraxel, Profhilo, etc. Whilst the ‘big’ stuff is money well spent, it’s the everyday maintenance that really makes the difference. I rarely get facials in New York City because: a.) I haven’t found a good one and b.) they aren’t worth the . I don’t need to spend my money on something I could do at home. Suggestions VERY welcome.

Products / procedures I’m loving: 

FaceGym | Féret Le Baume |  Bamford Bath Oil 

Estée Lauder Night Repair | Féret Hand Gel | Skinceuticals CE Ferulic 

Isdin Tinted SPF | Susanne Kaufmann Eye Rescue Serum | Bamford Face Oil 

7.) Reading books outside of a holiday. I’ve never been a particularly proficient reader - spelling and writing was always my thing. The reality is I’m a slow reader. I read word by word, my lips moving as I do so. When I’m OOO and I have time on my hands, I love nothing more than a good book but I’ve never managed to sustain the habit once I hit home turf again. I successfully listened to Spare on audiobook during my daily city dog-walks earlier in 2023 (a good way to pass the time), but when the fourth iteration of The Thursday Murder Club series (all of which I’ve read ‘manually’ and loved!), I just couldn’t help but think I’d much rather be reading it myself, appointing voices and faces to characters, and emphasising points that were funny, emotional, resonating to me - and so I gave up. So, this year, I’m going to try and read one book outside of a beach and a piña colada. Suggestions welcome. 

Babysteps first, I vow to up my Substack library. Favourite substacks to date: 

Remotely by Lucy Williams

A Considered Space by Eleanor Cording Booth 

Earl Earl by Laurel Pantin 

Colu Cooks by Colu Henry

Laura Brown 

Yolo Journal by Yolanda Edwards

8.) Back pocket outlook. This was a game changer in 2023. I realised so much of my time getting distracted and burying my head in my inbox at all hours of the day and weekend was out of pure habit - a reflex even. I have a rotation of three apps on my phone that I alternate between. If I go on to look at one, I invariably end up opening the other two. I’ve newly adopted moving the outlook app from my permanent toolbar at the bottom of my phone to the last page of apps during ‘down’ periods and I now consciously have to make the choice as to whether I open it or not - as well as consider the potential of what might be waiting for me inside of the app. Moving into 2024, I’m going to be adopting this a little more forthrightly over weekends and bank holidays too.

9.) Sharing clothes. Growing up in a boarding school where we didn’t have uniform in our senior years, sharing and borrowing clothes was very much part of the regime. This carried through into university and even the earlier years of living in London with housemates, etc. But, now married and exclusively living with my own wardrobe, I often see an outfit on a friend that I wish I might indulge just once. I’ve started dabbling in this more, propelled by the munificent @FionaLeahyDesign who very generously offered me an outfit after I enthused over it on Instagram. I never thought she might suggest I borrow it, but she did and I did and I’ve never forgotten the gesture. Similarly, my neighbour @HeleneHeath (a.k.a queen of the sequin) lent me an outfit for New Year’s Eve. PSA - please let me borrow your clothes. My wardrobe door is always open in return too.

OUT 

1.) Bronde. It’s time to go back to blonde. I embraced a more natural look during and post pandemic, but I’m just lying to myself. So, I’m doing what makes me me. Back to blonde it is! 

2.) Toxic Instagramming. I don’t mean people who leave nasty comments or troll you (no one has time for that). I mean the people that make you question ‘you’. To be clear, this is totally my issue, my problem, but why subject yourself to a daily barrage of anxiety-inducing content when you don’t need to. This isn’t someone who’s prettier, skinnier, more successful, more popular than me (let’s celebrate those people - good on them!), but someone who I feel is disingenuous. What you can’t see can’t hurt you - start to filter your life in the right way.

3.) Giving everyone my time. Living abroad for the last 15 years of my life has strengthened many relationships and weakened others. It’s a natural circle, and sadly drifting apart from people is one of the consequences of an expat life. However, what’s worse than not seeing people is seeing people cocooned by so many other events going on that you don’t really ‘see’ them at all. On my visits back to London, I sap myself silly trying to ensure I’ve ticked off my list. But, for who? For them? For me? What I’ve loved witnessing over the last couple of years is where new friendships have manifested through work and where work is now working with friends. Now we get paid to be friends!

4.) Public Birthday Declarations. I’ve never been one for the public birthday declaration; I’m too scared I’ll forget someone one day. Also, are you doing it for them or so you can show off you know that celebrity you met on a holiday 17 years ago? So many of the declarations I see are for people who aren’t even on Instagram (parents, children, etc). Please, adopt the heartfelt text message directly to the recipient, or better still, a handwritten card in the post. If you’re really lucky, maybe even flowers!

5.) The thousand and one ways to communicate. Whatsapp, iMessage, email, Instagram, slack… call me old school but I can’t keep up. If you want a response, email me, if you want to receive and cherish something, send it to me via snail mail. The others, take your chance. It’s constant. ALL.THE.TIME!