Ok, I’ve had writer’s block. People have been asking when my next Substack was coming, and truthfully, I didn’t feel as though I had anything to say, and there’s only so many ‘lists’ a non-influencer with a modest following can do. But wow, the last month! It’s been intense.
As I rather relievedly step into July and look forward to a long July 4th weekend where I foresee a lot of make-up sleep, after what has been a good 2024 so far, I’m stuffing June down the barrel of a bank holiday firework and setting it alight. There’s been highlights for sure, but the bad definitely overshadows the good.
I had some friends in town this past weekend. Their trip, unintentionally, coincided with Pride. After an exhausting month, the serendipitous timing and location (I live just off 7th Avenue) which forced us to watch the parade was an energy boost I needed and a colourful sea of smiling faces. People were happy. We were happy.
The next day, during my diurnal Instagram scrolling, I came across this post from Brooke Shields. A New Yorker and a resident of the West Village (certainly a gay capital of the world), I think she merely wanted to show support to her home and her neighbours. The comments flawed me. I see sense in some of them; there are other people in the world we should also celebrate - veterans, for example - but my overwhelming feeling was ‘why can’t people just be happy for each other?!’.
A few years ago, my husband treated me to a 30th birthday trip. We went to Amangiri. It was everything I wanted it to be - not easy for an idealist with unobtainable expectations. It was immensely special and undeniably impressive (the location alone!) by anyone’s standards. Excited upon our arrival, I called my family. Clearly proud and happy to be there, we did a pan around of our view. “I just don’t see what’s so exciting” came the response. I hung up. That feeling has stayed with me ever since.
I sent a rather crude message back which resulted in radio silence for a number of weeks, but I don’t regret saying what I did. The crux of the message (albeit with some superlatives), was “when I’m clearly excited about something, why can’t you just be happy for me?”. Pretend, conjure up a fake smile, laugh and make an excuse to get off the phone if needs be, but is it really so hard to celebrate someone’s happiness?
These thoughts extend to Brooke’s Instagram post - and beyond. Call me naive, sure, but what I can’t understand is why everyone feels the need to wage a war on each other for opposing ideas, thoughts, sentiments. Is there not a world where we just respect each other? Where I just keep scrolling if something doesn’t speak to me. Is there not a world, or even a single Instagram post, where we can all be our true selves without prejudice or judgment? Can we just agree to disagree? Can we just let the smiling, happy faces of the Pride parade have their day?
I can’t help but think we’ve cultivated a world where we’re forcing people to speak, boycotting people who don’t take a stance, only to cancel them if the haters don’t like what they say. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Did Brooke ever stand a chance? Does anyone stand a chance?
I’ll finish by saying this, feelings can exist together. I can be happy for someone and jealous. I can be happy for someone and mad at myself. I can be happy for someone and not agree with them. I recently went through a client ‘break up’. It hit hard. I went through all the emotions - disappointment, anger, jealousy, betrayal. But, having processed all that and made peace with it, the physiological and psychological differences in my mind and body cannot be ignored. Being happy is good for us, being happy for them is much easier than being angry with them. Where I’ve netted out is, I’m happy for them, disappointed in myself, happy for their new partners, annoyed with myself. And so I took my own advice and I sent both them and their new partners notes of happiness. Because honestly, there’s no more room for hate.
If you don’t have something nice to say, or you can’t be happy for someone, just keep scrolling….
If you want to leave any productive thoughts on how we can spread happiness, or share in someone’s happiness, or even regale a moment you felt happy for someone, please share - we all need a bit of goodness in the world.
This is a beautiful post, a little kindness and respect goes a long way, keep shinning bright ☀️
I think it might be one of the worst feelings when you don’t feel happy for a friend because of envy. I love your reminder that you can hold 2 thoughts at once of happiness and jealousy, it’s comforting!